It's Ok Not To Be Ok

I have been searching for myself these days, and I can't seem to find me; it's as if I'm slipping away pretty badly. I feel like a humanoid, devoid of emotions.

Perhaps I've been overthinking, struggling to wrap my head around the fact that my sister and I's cat, who is only 11 years old (60 in human age), is now ailing, considering he's still quite young. He used to weigh almost 22lbs. and is now down to 8lbs. I guess I was just so busy with life that I didn't realize 11 years had gone by. Maybe to others, he's just a cat, but for me, he saved me during my quarter-life crisis – the orange kitten who sprawled himself in our apartment 11 years ago, as if he knew he had found his forever home and wouldn't be wandering the streets anymore. It just hits me that we always outlive our pets because, as humans, we can live a hundred years and they don't. They'll be here for a quarter or sometimes less of our lifespan. 

The vet mentioned his platelets are remarkably high, and drawing blood for his CBC was a struggle. Possible diagnosis includes Diabetes or Pancreatitis due to his age. The relief came when she confirmed his kidneys are holding up. Initially, I feared having to accept things beyond my control if his kidneys were failing.

Meanwhile, I recently finished watching this series called The Bear (Season 1) which stars Jeremy Allen White, yeah the Calvin Klein boy who every woman is also crazy about, and I wasn't too stoked about the series. I just got curious because everyone seems to be raving about it on socmed. I thought I was still waiting for more episodes just to find the rest would be on Season 2, like duh? Is that it? 

So, instead of waiting for Season 2, I watched the movie "500 Days Of Summer" as if I haven't watched it for the nth time, a personal favorite for its portrayal of Summer's character, her fashion sense, mindset, and complexity. I sensed a connection with her – preferring to be the oddball than the conventionally pretty one.

Anyhow, I have been extremely busy with heaps of other things from my new reads to constant trips to the vet, to my doctor etc. I have a couple of more books to finish by Bianca Sparacino. While her books are profoundly healing, they have this way of stirring emotions if you feel detached lately.