Six Years

Yesterday marked my Mom’s 6th year Death Anniversary and I can’t believe it’s been that long since her passing because everything still feels in plain sight. I still carry the ache in my chest every time I think about her as if she left us not so long ago. Coincidentally, one of the country's greatest actors of all time Eddie Garcia passed away a few days ago at the age of 90 from an accident while filming his latest project with one of the biggest local networks in the country. His sudden demise left the whole nation in shock. I learned from the news he’s been long prepared in case his time will be up in this world that he already paid for his cremation in advance which at first I found spooky but a clever idea. Just like my Mom, she already paid for her life-plan with a Pre-Need DeathCare Company a long time ago little did we know her time is about to come. Same with Eddie Garcia, my Mom also asked for her remains to be cremated when she was still alive and that’s what exactly we did, as she wished.  

Eddie Garcia is one of my favorite actors growing up because he can pull off portraying the role of a villain and be hilarious at the same time. He’s a truly gifted and passionate Actor/Director not to mention a very professional one I've read as he's always the first person to arrive on set. He also delivers his lines casually and effortlessly every time and watching him on both the tube and the big screen as a kid have become an enjoyable past time for me (Sampaguita Pictures, etc. and yes I'm old.) so just imagine my shock when I learned he went into a coma after tripping on a cable wire on the set of his latest project which, unfortunately, he wasn't able to get out of. I personally felt very sad when I heard about it from the news because he lived a very long life just to die from an accident (which could've been avoided) but I guess that's just how far his lifespan is able to stretch. The incident also made me wonder why God let him lived this long (almost a hundred years old) just to take his life 10 years before he makes it to a 100 just like why God took my Mother so soon. I'm not holding grudges, I'm really not because I know that God's will always lean to what's best for everyone, may it be painful, may it be too difficult to wrap our head around. In the case of Eddie Garcia, according to the news, if he miraculously wakes up, he will be devoid of his motor capabilities/paralyzed for the rest of his life which may be worse than death for those who devoted their whole lives in the craft they love and in his case, acting. 

Let me share a story about my Mom. When she was still alive she fervently prayed to God that, if her time comes, she wanted it fast and quick because she doesn't want to trouble anyone by being bed-ridden/sick for a long time that's why if God will take her life she asked him to not give her a hard time. God might've heard her and years later granted exactly what she wished for. She passed away inside the car on the way to the hospital with my Dad by her side her as she pulled her last breath. My sister and I back then live in the city center because it's convenient for work whilst my parents own a house 12KM away from the city. I awoke from a night of deep sleep (I supposedly have work the next day) when I overheard my sister in distress talking to someone on the phone. It was our brother, he said our Mom was unconscious, little did we know she did not make it before they even got to the hospital. The world has crumbled down on us when we got to the hospital. My Mom is our prayer warrior and she's the most unselfish and loving person I've known. She told me when I was still a young lady that I should learn how to fend for myself someday, women shouldn't rely on men for financial support. She was a badass woman that the police went to our house in Manila when I was still very little because she attempted to arson an a**hole neighbor's house. That neighbor, by the way, really pissed my Mom off because the smoke from his house triggered one of my sister's asthma and my Mom just retaliated though lol. 

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Going back to the famous actor Eddie Garcia, he asked his body to be cremated and not be laid in a coffin for the public to see contrary to most funerals which I think is not so bad at all because nobody needs affirmation when someone dies. When a person passes on,  whatever efforts we make for our reposed loved ones won't matter anymore when they leave this plane, it won't matter anymore how frugal or grandiose their funeral is. It's true, just like what Eddie Garcia said when he was still alive, we can't take every penny we earned to the afterlife. A funeral's purpose, in my opinion, is to celebrate the person's life after they leave this world and not wallow in the idea that they died so soon. When my Mom passed away I couldn't look at her casket because I want to remember her alive and not as a corpse since I will be dealing with the pain of not seeing her anymore for the rest of my life, but, the sight of her lifeless body inside a coffin during her wake back then did not help despite my strong resolve to celebrate her life because my father was a traditionalist and I believe he wouldn't agree if I raise the idea of having my Mom's body cremated prior to her funeral. Don't get me wrong, sadness is a human emotion and it's Ok to be sad, it's Ok to mourn but for me when I saw my mother's body laid in a casket felt like rubbing salt to an already open wound, excruciating. I personally do not conform with what we now call eBurol (online video streaming of the dead's casket) which purpose is to make the funeral accessible to the kins of the dead from across the world/country via live video streaming, I think it's ridiculous. I am very open-minded and not a conventional person but a personal visit to someone's wake is preferable versus online streaming since the purpose of a funeral in the first place is to personally pay homage/visit our dearly departed ones. I understand some people may be too busy to pay their visit it's just that I think the solemnity of a wake is gone the moment we take it online, and like I said it is just my point of view. 

To date, I think my Mom had long crossed-over because she barely visits me in my dreams not that it's a bad thing because I know she's now happy in God's lair and the company of her long lost relatives, my Grandma, Grandpa, some of her long lost siblings, friends, and acquaintances. And as for me, I will never forget. I know and I feel she watches over me and our family from above.