Farewell..Goodnight, So Long..Goodbye..

"Cast your burdens upon me, those who are heavily laden, come to Me all of you who are tired, of carrying heavy load.. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the burden is light.. come to Me, and I will give you rest.."

it took me a while to write again because i was consumed with so much grief due to my mom's passing. she was taken by our Lord last June 23 which was just roughly three weeks ago due to acute respiratory failure secondary to aspiration pneumonia. she was gone too soon at the age of 67.  

the only health condition we knew about her was hypertension (although we suspected other underlying illness/es). my mom hated to be taken cared of and she stressed that out so badly when she was still alive. she was the most altruistic person i've known in my entire life. a wonderful, loving mother. her permanent absence i will truly miss. 

it was dreadful which left me and my family  shocked for days. everything went on so fast. so surreal that i never had enough time to absorb and mused on what was going on.  

Death indeed is like a thief in the night...

later on my family learned that our grandma passed away June 24 (which year i never knew because i was still little back then.) i guess it' s really my mom's time to go. i think coincidence is not really a coincidence. i still have a hole in my heart up to now although my family and i already accepted the fact that she's gone.

 it's tough..it really is tough loving someone you know you'll never see ever in your lifetime. but then, i thank God for the memories that neither time will let pass. i will always love and remember her. i will always think about her and thank her for every lessons in life she taught me. i still feel stoic up until now but part of the wounds are healing although the void is still deep. i know i need to give myself a long time, enough time to heal. 

i don't have hard feelings towards the Almighty for my mom's untimely passing but questions lingered in my mind such as was it really her time to go? did she feel pain? or did she meet grandma on the afterlife?

i miss my mom. 

i hope she's with the rest of our reposed relatives on the other side. i will surely miss her homecooking and her chuckles whenever i come home.   but then i'm still happy having lived here up north and spent roughly two years seeing her during my days off from work after being away for many years due to work proximity down south, work loads and all that.

i remember how my mom always say that she's tired. we never knew what she meant by that until that very day she left us. i guess she's been enduring a lot of health issues long before which we were never aware about. we never failed pleading for her to visit the doctor although we knew she  hated it. i understand that because when people get old they hate trips to the doctor because they know for sure something is wrong. but then, my advise to our folks not getting any younger, GO see a doctor whenever you feel that something is wrong to prevent further health constraints. seeing the doctor won't hurt. that's part of life..people grow old, get sick and turn fragile. we are not invincible because that's what we humans are made--to be vurnerable to what life is there to offer may it be pain, sorrow and what have you.

let's always remember to treat each day as the last and express how we truly love the people who matter to us every day because we never really know what lies ahead.We will never know. only God can tell when your time is up.  

why do good peoole die early? i always wonder although the answer is obvious--they have fulfilled their mission in this world so their time is up so soon. sometimes, it's hard to wrap your head around it but let's never question God's will. everything happens for a reason. the reason i guess is CHANGE. for situations, relationship beween people or people habits perhaps, to change for the better. 

i always believe that whenever something wonderful is bound to happen comes tragedy. i was diagnosed with graves disease (hyperthyroidism) three months ago thus explained my sudden weightloss and also learned that t'was hereditary and affects women in my clan during their 30' s thus explains how i acquired it. a cousion of mine had it and so as my niece. i never thought that my constant leg pain was part of it. my mom was devastated because i've never been truly sick although i was a functional individual because my illness did not deter me from going to work has the leg pains. i was ok but not my parents about my health condition. i went to see a doctor and was prescribed tapdin for my thyroid while inderal for my palpitations/increased heart rate, shaky hands.

 i am well by far and gained a little weight. the last time i saw my mom almost a month ago she was happy that i was kinda back in shape. i can say that in lieu of my betterness God has laid my mom to rest possibly to tell her that i am ok and she can finally go so i always assure my mom whenever i pray at night that i am ok. by the way, i got my love for writing from my mom so there goes this journal.

i was hurt but i know too much grief won't help whilst i'm on medication so i will try my best to be happy that my mom is finally free from all the hardships of this world.